Dumbass

I’ve got this big writing project and the Deadline is gradually creeping toward me but I just can’t drum up any motivation to do it. It’s technical writing, which isn’t difficult, it just takes time and attention and I DON’T WANT TO. I would wail and slam my fists against the table like that dumbass politician on TV last week, but there isn’t anybody here to see me looking like such a dumbass.

Instead, I spent most of today and yesterday playing some dumbass online cookie-collecting game that has a thoroughly dumbass fake French guy saying dumbass things like, “C’est bon!” when I get a high score. And the Deadline is now throwing an ominous shadow across my keyboard.

Could someone maybe come here and kick me in my dumb ass? The Deadline is slowly rubbing his hands together, his lips curved in a malicious sneer, a thin trail of drool making its way from one side of his mouth.

He’s getting closer, close enough now that his foul breath is curling the hairs on the back of my neck. His gnarled fingers are reaching out for my throat.

Somebody, please! Save me from my dumbass self!

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7 thoughts on “Dumbass”

  1. First of all deadlines or FEMALE :-)…
    how about pride in our reputation in getting things done on time or even early? Or, treat yourself to something NICE with ALL the money from the project? Don’t make me come over there and boot your butt into gear…

    1. Are we experiencing a bit of sexual confusion? Ladybugs are female and deadlines are male; that’s why they’re such dickheads.

      Pride in reputation? Blah blah blah. I don’t give half a poo about this job.

      I dare you, no, double dare you to come here and boot my butt!

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